Tips 4 Men Shopping With Women

Face it, when it comes to shopping with the wife or girlfriend it's like oil trying to mix with water. For most men tagging along while their wife or girlfriend shops can be like going to a NASCAR race without the cars. Men like to dash, grab & go. After all, we all know how a man's time is more valuably spent drinking beer in front of the TV then frittering it away in some frilly store. Besides, 90% of the crap is geared towards women anyway!

The electronics department: This is where disenfranchised omega males gather. You'll see multiples of them gathered in front of big screen televisions. It is here they find comradery with one another's longsuffering. It is as if it were some sort of waiting room for those hoping to escape from eternal boredom.

As I public service I offer this little primer on how to make the experience a little more pleasant. Here are a few alternate suggestions in lieu of heading to the electronics department with the rest of the Buffalo. If you're really successful, who knows you just might be excluded from future shopping safaris invites from the little lady.* Take 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

* Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

* Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom

* Go to the Service Desk and try and put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

* Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yell 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

* When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume a fetal position and scream, 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

* Take a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and ask, where is the fitting room?

* Go into a fitting room, shut the door. Wait awhile, then yell loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'