Former President Bill Clinton will make a visit to an Allentown home on behalf of Bethlehem Mayor John Callahan on Aug. 10th.
Free cigars for all the ladies! The event will be held in a newly refurbished basement at an undisclosed location.
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Eagles Are Soon To Land In Bethlehem.
Environmentalist are concerned and plan to look into grass droppings they may leave behind.
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New York Is Planning To Kill 170,000 Canadian Geese
N. Y. legislators are looking into erecting a fence along Pennsylvania's border to prevent further migrant birds from crossing over into New York... Feds Sue.
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BP CEO Tony Hayward Is RESIGNING..
After being offered a position to head up Marcellus Shale Well Drilling operations in Pennsylvania.
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Lehigh County Sewers Overflow During Heavy Rain
To head off future overflow of raw sewage all local political parties have agreed to call off all political functions during times of heavy rains.
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Allentown Converts Excess Sewer Funds Into Excess Sewer Water
Plans are to replace the loss of revenue by selling "enriched" bottled water manufactured in Fogelsville to be sold on eBay.
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Easton Lays Off Teachers
Plans to rehire as non-compensated interns to be determined by union reps.
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PPL Plans To Lower Prices
Customers complain.
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Ironpigs Announce New Fireworks Policy
To be replaced by greatly amplified vuvuzelas from sound towers to be installed around the park.
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FEMA Announces Plans To Send Trailers To Enhance Allentown Parks
In related news S. Mtn. is being sold to raise much needed revenue. It will be moved to the Las Vegas casinos area. Operators plan on turning it into a deer petting area and for ATV usage.
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China Buys Steel Stacks In Bethlehem, Pa.
They plan on converting it into a steel production facility mainly staffed by unpaid American college student interns.
ON THE NATIONAL FRONT...
Muslims Call For New World Trade Center Be Built At Their Mosque in New York
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N. Korea Threatens To Nuke Itself..
If Kim Jong-un can't buy an IPhone due to newly imposed sanctions
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Tea Party Calls On Government To Create the "T-Span Network"
Then tells Washington to bug off
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Glenn Beck Supports Obama, Declares Nazisim & Socialism Dead In America
Then checks into rehab
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Government Declares A Shortage Of Peroxide And Red Clothing Dye
Fox News goes off air!
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