The Rewriting Of Fairytales

Most of the fairytales as we know them today... well let's just say they're fairytales about fairytales.

Stories which have been rewritten so as to make them more palatable for young readers and movie goers. There are several versions of what might have been written originally or handed down orally. Below are a few samples of what some of them have been.

Sleeping Beauty
In the original version it wasn't a prince that simply kissed her, thus awakening her from her slumber. It was a hunter who came across her body and raped her while she lay there unconscious. Nine months later she gave birth to twins while still remaining unconscious. At this point fairies of the forest happen across the babies. They placed one of babies on top of her for feeding who sucked a poison splinter from her thumb instead mistaking it for a nipple. Thereupon she awakened.

A few months later the hunter returned for a second helping of the unconscious babe only to now find her awake. She followed him into a barn and had sex with him despite him telling what he did to her while she lay unconscious. Well it turns out the hunter was married and when his wife found out these two's shenanigans she set about to kidnap the kids, have her cook boil them alive and serve them unbeknownst to her cheating husband. Turns out the cook couldn't bring herself to do it and cooked a goat instead. In the end the hunter left his old lady and lived happily ever after with his new girlfriend and the kids.

Cinderella
Long story short, Cinderella's sisters chopped off portions of their feet so they could fit into the glass slipper. In the end when the plan didn't work out the prince had a couple of birds peck out their eyes as punishment for trying to trick him.

Rapunzel
Rapunzel was locked up in a tower for a very long time. Not only did her hair grow extremely but so did her desire to be intimate with a man. So when a prince happened to wander by she asked him to have sex with her if she'd leave down her hair for him to climb up on. Both had a pretty good thing going on for sometime till her clothes kept getting ever tighter. Turns out it wasn't because she was eating too much but rather treating too much (the prince that is). Apparently he wasn't using protection.

It seems when the witch (her captor) found out she became jealous, chopped off Rapunzel's hair, then magically transported Rapunzel who was forced then to live with a homeless beggar. She ended up broke, hungry and becoming a beggar herself in order to feed she and her hungry child . All this was unbeknownst to the prince who returned to the tower for another love making session. Instead when he got to the top of the tower, the witch who awaited him, shoved him out the window landing him in a patch of thorns which poked his eyes out. The ending in one version says the prince and Rapunzel eventually hookup and got even with the witch.

The Little Mermaid
The mermaid rather then trade her voice for legs trades her tongue. Unfortunately though she gets legs they hurt like hell every time she tries to walk. Even so in order to try and snag the prince she dances with all her heart in a failed effort to attract him unto herself. Instead the prince marries some other broad. Seeing this her mermaid sisters cut off their hair and sell it for a magical dagger. The mermaid is then told to cut up the prince and let his blood drip on her feet. If she does this she will get her fins back.

She does sneak up on him but can't bring herself to it, instead jumps back into the sea and drowns. Later the writer of the fairytale (Hans Christian Andersen) felt this was a rather crappy ending so he rewrote it adding that if the mermaid for 300 years performed good deeds this would earn her the right to acquire a soul hence enabling her to go to heaven.

Pinocchio
In this version Jiminy wasn't a cricket and Jiminy ended up murdered by Pinocchio. Since puppets can't be sent to jail it was Geppetto who was for his negligence in creating this little monster. Many years later after Geppetto served his jail sentence he reunited with his much beloved puppet. He had nothing after being locked up all those years except the coat on his back. Still he wanted the best for the little guy and sold it for school books so Pinocchio could become educated.

Pinocchio being the ever grateful douchebag hocked them for tickets to the theatre. To make a long story short he became worse then he already was because of two scoundrels (a cat and a fox) he took up with. In one version the two scoundrels later hung Pinocchio from a tree suffocating him to death. In another version one of the scoundrels (the cat) who deceived him and led Pinocchio's life into misery is overcome by age and blindness. The Fox chops off his tail for money and becomes hairless and lame. Pinocchio (being not susceptible to such things) scoffs at both their poverty and suffering saying they deserved what they got.

'The Hunchback Of Notre Dame'
It was written by the same guy that wrote Les Misérables, Victor Hugo. Hence full of the suffering and unhappiness you'd expect from this writer. It's been reworked several times.

In the original novel a gypsy dancer (Esmerelda) has drawn the attention of many men, but none so much as both the hunchback (Quasimodo) and Archdeacon of Notre Dame.(Frollo). The Archdeacon orders Quasimodo to kidnap her but is caught by the head of the guards (Captain Phoebus) who orders Quasimodo to be flogged and placed without water in the stockades.

Esmerelda takes pity on him and offers water. Quasimodo falls hopelessly in love with her. Turns out so did the Captain of the guards who also had a thing for her. This upset the Archdeacon (Frollo) who became jealous then murdered the captain. Instead Esmerelda is falsely accused, tortured and sentenced to death by hanging. In the last minute Quasimodo swings down the bell ropes saving her.

There's a few more twists and turns in the plot eventually Esmerelda ,who had sanctuary in Frellos church, was expelled by the church hierarchy. After she rejected Frello's advances one last time, he turned over to the soldiers where once again she found herself facing death. This time ending up with her execution while Frollo laughed out of spitefulness for rejecting his advances. Quasimodo seeing this pushed the Archdeacon off the roof of the church killing him.

He escapes. In the final scene Quasimodo is bending over her lifeless body in the graveyard where those who've been executed are dumped. It is there were Quasimodo finally succumbs to starvation wishing to never leave her side even in death.