Its So Cold...

Roosters are rushing into KFC to use the pressure cooker
Grandpa’s teeth are chattering - in the glass
You have to open the fridge to heat the house
Lawyers have their hands in their own pockets
Richard Simmons started wearing pants
We had to jump-start the furnace
We made antifreeze by hiding her woolly pyjamas
Dogs are getting stuck to the fire hydrants
We had to salt the hallway
Hell is actually freezing over
Santa's reindeer flew south
My shadow froze to the ground
Mommy turned into a mummy
Car dealers are now selling zambonis
Silly putty turns into serious putty
Opposing politicians are hugging each other to keep warm
Smokey the Bear was seen grabbing a box of matches
Strippers are becoming frozen to poles
Cab drivers are getting frostbite on their middle fingers
Cops are tasering themselves
Mexican food has quadrupled in price
Donald Trump's hair froze in place
People are eating ice cream to keep warm
Even the Good Humour Man is in a bad mood