Saturday, September 14, 2024

Things Said In Trial Courts (Humor)

Repost

From a book called "Disorder In The Court"- by Charles M. Sevilla (Published In 1992)
Here are a few excerpts from the book of things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters. Check out the book. There's plenty more.


ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, very close to your IQ.

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

ATTORNEY: ALL of your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you attend?
WITNESS: Oral.

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Friday, September 13, 2024

Thursday, September 12, 2024

Old Geezer (Humor)

Repost

'Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?'

'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him. All the food was slow. I explained. Mom cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.' By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table.

But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it :

Some parents NEVER owned their own house, never wore Levis, never set foot on a golf course, never traveled out of the country or had a credit card. In their later years they had something called a revolving charge card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears & Roebuck. Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died.

My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer.

I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow)

We didn't have a television in our house until I was 9. It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at midnight, after playing the national anthem and a poem about God; It came back on the air at about 6 AM. and there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people.

I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.

Pizzas were not delivered to our home but milk was.

All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers— I delivered a newspaper, 7 days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which I got to keep 2 cents. I had to get up at 6AM every morning. On Saturday, I had to collect the 49 cents from his customers. My favorite customers were the ones who gave me 50 cents and told me to keep the change. My least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.

Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?


How many do you remember?
Head lights dimmer switches on the floor.
Ignition switches on the dashboard.
Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall.
Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner.
Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.

Older Than Dirt Quiz
Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about--- Ratings at the bottom.

1. Blackjack chewing gum
2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
5. Coffee shops or diners with tableside juke boxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines on the telephone
8 Newsreels before the movie
9. P.F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show
     and were there until TV shows started again in the morning.
     (there were only 3 channels... [if you were fortunate])
12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records
15. S& H green stamps
16. Hi-fi's
17. Metal ice trays with lever
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulb
20. Packards
21. Roller skate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young
If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older
If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age,
If you remembered 16-25 = You' re older than dirt!

Saturday, September 7, 2024

26 YouTube Singer Videos

Repost

Over the years these are some of the best I came across.

This is just one part of YouTube I enjoy watching.
If not on there, where else could these singers be seen.

Thursday, September 5, 2024

A Bit Of History Adams-Jefferson

Repost

Way back in the day when John Adams became our second president the vice president was the one that came in second by the number of votes cast. As a result Thomas Jefferson became Adams' vice president just like John Adams had under George Washington.

At the beginning of Adams term Jefferson in every way possible tried to undermine the president. Eventually Adams found all kinds of ways to remove Jefferson's supporters. Thus diffusing Jefferson's influence over him. In other words the two major leaders of this country were at polar opposites when it came to how governing should be put forth for this new nation.

During their dueling campaigns one could say this was the earliest beginnings of dirty negative campaigning which pretty much carried on through the beginnings of Adam's presidency.

How we elect a vice president changed in 1804 when a 12th amendment was added to the constitution. This followed after the votes counted tied both Jefferson and Aaron Burr (members of the same party) proceeding John Adams presidency leaving it up to congress who decided on Thomas Jefferson after intense bickering over having to vote on 36 ballots to arrive at it's outcome. Eventually Vice President Burr tried to under mind Jefferson's authority and was later arrested for treason.

Eventually 12 years after Adams left office both he and Jefferson renewed their friendship over the next 15 years exchanging letters to each other until both their deaths on the same day July 4th, 1826. Coincidentally on the 50th anniversary of the 'Declaration Of Independence' both had signed.


Here's My Point
This nation has consistently stood on a precipice. Our fight with England, the civil war, world wars and the depression, each could have gone either way. So far either by good fortune or destiny we've managed to survive. I'd hate to think this generation were the ones to drop the ball in the upcoming election. Granted some things were a lot nastier then present but there's no guarantee we will always be so fortunate. This isn't some game Far too many have died already as a consequence of our past divisions. Let us never experience these same separations resulting in further bloodshed.

My hope is we're willing to put aside our differences in-so-much as we never ever again become violent once again as this nation once was. Make no mistake, as past history indicates, this nor any other nation is immune. Beware of such.

Wednesday, September 4, 2024

Airline Passenger Refuses Search Consent, Is Searched Anyway

Online Purchase Advice

Repost

While my VISTA account no longer generates virtual account numbers my MasterCard still does. I use this to generate a temporary account number (different from my card) with a dollar limit I can set.

I just used this because one of my renewals required me to accept auto pay. Something I will not stand for. So good luck to them trying to charge me anything further.

I've used this a number of times before because some sites save my credit card information. I'm not going to risk my information being stolen if someone hacked their site.

Sometimes these banking websites don't make it obvious but if one searches their site when logged in there is a good possibility they might have one.

Never use auto pay for anything. Any mistake they make will take weeks, months or maybe never at all after kissing their behinds trying to correct. It can also result in unexpected overdraft fees. Even possibly draining someone's account completely.


Why anyone would do this is beyond me.

It's like handing over to strangers keys to the vault.