Here's What Happened The Year I Graduated H.S.

Repost

     (Satire)

Way back when I was a young pup and still wet behind the ears (in 1966) these are some of the things I said or might have said before I became a fan of history in my latter years.



Jan 1st - All US cigarette packs have to carry "Caution Cigarette smoking may be hazardous to your health"
Damned I never looked at the 35 cent pack when I whipped out a cig back then.

Jan 12th - LBJ says US should stay in South Vietnam until communist aggression ends
Now I'd say..Glad that didn't happen or we'd still be there.

Jan 16th - Metropolitan Opera House opens in Lincoln Center
At 18 I'd probably would have said where's that in Washington? What's opera?

Jan 29th - Snow storm in north east US kills 165
Yippee snow day.. off from school.

Feb 11th - SF Giant Willie Mays signs highest contract, $130,000 per year
OMG, that's way too much money.

Feb 25th - Syrian military coup under Hafiz al-Assad
I hope things settle down over there.

Mar 2nd - 215,000 US soldiers in Vietnam
Oh shit, I'm 1-A

Mar 6th - Barry Sadlers' "Ballad of the Green Berets" becomes #1 (13 weeks)
Yeah but did ya hear "Strawberry Fields Forever" reached #8?

Mar 15th - Racial riots erupt in the Watts section of Los Angeles
Huh? Even bears don't crap in their own backyard.

Mar 17th - US sub locates missing H-bomb in Mediterranean
What's that doing over there in the first place?

Mar 18th - Scott Paper begins selling paper dresses for $1
Note to self.. take a walk on a rainy day.

Mar 24th - Selective Service announces college deferments based on performance
Does this mean only dummies like me...

Mar 29th - Muhammad Ali beats George Chuvalo in 15 for heavyweight boxing title
Hey does this mean Cassius Clay doesn't have to go either? WTF!

Mar 31st - 25,000 anti war demonstrators march in NYC
Stay out of 'Watts', it's a mess out there

May 16th - Beach Boys' "Pets Sounds" is released
Never heard of it.

May 21st - "Downtown" by Mrs Miller hits #82
What a voice.

May 28th - "Ballad Of Irving" by Frank Gallop hits #34
What's he gay or what?

May 30th - 300 US airplanes bomb North Vietnam
Yadda, yadda another typical day. Will that end it so I don't have to go?

Jun 6th - NFL & AFL announce their merger
Does this mean lower salaries and ticket prices?

Jun 10th - Mamas & Papas win gold record for "Monday, Monday"
Damn I thought Cass Elliot would look a lot sexier judging by her voice.

Jun 13th - Supreme Court's Miranda decision; suspect must be informed of rights
Well I guess it's better then cops shooting them first.

Jul 1st - Medicare goes into effect
Yeah. I sure hope this will pay 100% of my medical expenses when I get to be an old fart..

Jul 4th - LBJ signs Freedom of Information Act
Thank goodness. Now we'll know everything the government is up to.

Jul 5th - NYC transit fare rises from 15 cents to 20 cents
That's crazy. How much higher can they go?

Jul 29th - Bob Dylan hurt in motorcycle accident near Woodstock NY
God's sake, I hope this doesn't affect his singing voice speech patterns..

Jul 30th - US airplanes bombs demilitarized zone in Vietnam
Kind of silly calling it a "demilitarized zone", no?

Aug 6th - US citizens demonstrate against war in Vietnam
Kind of makes sense since "illegals" don't have to go, right?

Aug 20th - Beatles pelted with rotten fruit during Memphis concert
What the Hell? Who were these ticket holders expecting to show up, Ted Nugent?

Aug 22nd - Beatles arrive in NYC
Hope New Yorkers have better sense then to waste perfectly good fruit.

Aug 27th - Race riot in Waukegan, Illinois
God sakes. This is like the 10th one this year. Hope this ends the problem for once and all.

Sep 8th - "Star Trek" premieres on NBC-TV
It's a keeper!

Sep 11th - France performs nuclear test at Muruora Island
12th one this year so far. What is it yet scientists don't know?

Sep 11th - Rolling Stones perform on Ed Sullivan Show
I couldn't hear them. Too many screaming girls hot for sexy looking Mick I suppose.

Sep 22nd - Only 413 show up at a Yankee Stadium game
Who cares. They still have those network broadcast contracts.

Sep 24th - France performs nuclear test at Fangataufa Island
What we're still too stupid to know what these bombs will do?

Sep 30th - USSR performs underground nuclear test
Keep going until we crack the Earth, poison the water and/or be able to annihilate the human race 10x's over.

Oct 4th - France performs nuclear test at Muruora Island
SEE ABOVE

Oct 14th - 175 US airplanes bomb North Vietnam
Still at it I see.

Nov 6th - 1st entire lineup televised in color (NBC)
Damn the peacock network. Wish I had a color TV. Seems only the rich can afford them.

Nov 8th - Movie actor Ronald Reagan elected Governor of California
This guy ain't going nowhere.

Nov 24th - The Beatles began recording sessions for "Sergeant Pepper"
Who's this Sergeant Pepper"?

Dec 28th - China performs nuclear test at Lop Nor, PRC
Merry Christmas. Last test of the year. Wonder if Iran will ever get one and where they'll test it?

Dec 30th - The cult classic "One Million Years B.C.", starring Raquel Welch, is released
Gotta love history. Who the hell knew babes back then looked like that!



Source for the above:
'History Orb'

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