The Will (Humor)

Repost

Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him. He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:

My son, "Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."
My daughter "Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end."
My son, "Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Centre."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the river."

The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says, "Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property".

Sarah replies, "Property ? .... the asshole had a paper route!"

A Quick Summary Of All 45 U.S. Presidents

Some of these I knew about. Others I did not.

Tenacious D - Time Warp

(Jack Black)

I Started A Joke - Bee Gees (1960s Country Style Cover) ft. Ruby Leigh

Idioms Make Learning English Confusing

Repost


Idioms & ponderisms make it harder for people coming to live here from other countries.Why do we say an alarm is going off when it's actually going on?
Why offer a penny for thoughts when most aren't worth two cents?
Why is a baker's dozen not twelve items?
How is it your nose runs, but your feet smell?
Why a hot water heater. Shouldn't we need a cold water heater?
In sports why do they call 3 points a hat trick when nobody wears them?
If idle hands are the devil's tools what does he use to get things done?
The whole nine yards. Why not ten?
To drink like a fish. Do fish drink?
Why do people play at a recital and recite at a play?
Why does night fall but never break and day break but never fall?
Why does a man get a hernia and a woman a hysterectomy?
Why do they call them apartments when they're all together?
Why is the word abbreviation so long?
If olive oil is made from olives, what do they make baby oil from?
If pro and con are opposites, is congress the opposite of progress?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn't the plural of booth be beeth?
If the teacher taught, why isn't it also true that the preacher praught?
Why does winding up a watch start it, but winding up a project ends it?
Does our head have have hair or hairs on it?
Why call them resturant waiters when we do all the waiting?
A non-stop flight has to stop some time doesn't it?
Why is it called a one night stand if neither were standing?
How does daylight savings time store daylight?
Isn't planning before something much the same as preplanning itslef?
How can airlines preboard passengers before they begin boarding them?
Why do we pull up a chair, isn't it high enough?
Back and forth. Doesn't something have to go forth before it can go back?
Lucked out doesn't mean you ran out of luck. shouldn't it be lucked in?
Saying watch your head is as impossible as trying to bite your teeth
If someone does something behind your back, could they do it in front of it?
How did Roman's do math without a Roman numeral for zero?
Do we fill in a form by filling it out?
Bandages are wound around a wound
A farm can produce produce
Can a dump refuse refuse?
It's bad idea for a soldier to desert in the desert
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes
A farmer once taught his sow to sow
How come an eggplant has no yolk?
Shouldn't an apple look simular to a pineapple?
Why are boxing rings square?
1 goose. 2 geese. Why aren't 2 moose meese?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
How is a slim chance different from a fat chance?
Is a house burning up as it burns down?
What race is the human race?
Why doesn't Buick rhyme with quick?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
Is there another word for thesaurus?
Is there another word for synonym?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Why is a pear called a pear when there is only one?
What do they pack Styrofoam in?
Why does the word monosyllabic contain five syllables?
If you were scared half to death twice, would you be 100% dead?
If you asked a librarian where the books on self help were would they tell you?
If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

It Does Make You Wonder

Repost

Some religious supporters want to welcome everyone to our and other nation's borders.

Is anyone else confused as I?

Why would then heaven have gates?

Would this not make it the ultimate gated community?