HUMOR: The Traffic Cop. The Husband. The Wife.

Repost


A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, " I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Damit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine." The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."

The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU SHUT UP!"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

Only when he's been drinking."

Who Lost Last Night's Presidential Debate?

The American people.. PERIOD!
What an embarrassinga disgrace.
These two the best we can do?

Things Said In Trial Courts (Humor)

Repost

From a book called "Disorder In The Court"- by Charles M. Sevilla (Published In 1992)
Here are a few excerpts from the book of things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters. Check out the book. There's plenty more.


ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, very close to your IQ.

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

ATTORNEY: ALL of your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you attend?
WITNESS: Oral.

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

I've Been Following This Judge's Court Cases For Years

Inside America's Corruption Capital - Washington D.C. << THIS IS A MUST SEE !

Peter Santenello

President Joe Biden on the Howard Stern Show

Little Known (Mostly Useless) Trivia Information

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The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for Blood plasma.
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Many people burn more calories sleeping than they do watching television.
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Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are twenty (20) years of age or older.
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The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
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The King of Hearts is the only king WITHOUT A MOUSTACHE
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American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.
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Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
(Since Venus is normally associated with women, what does this tell you?)
(That women are going the 'right' direction...?)
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Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning . (It's the sugar)
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Most dust particles in your house are made from DEAD SKIN !
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The first owner (Philip Morris) of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.
So did 3hree men who appeared in Marlboro advertisements - Wayne McLaren, David McLean, and Dick Hammer.
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Walt Disney was afraid OF MICE!
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Pearls dissolve in vinegar
(A pearl is mostly calcium carbonate, which is susceptible to even a weak acid solution)
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It is possible to lead a cow upstairs... but, not downstairs because of how cows knees bend.
(A cow produces on average 30lbs of urine and 65lbs of feces daily)
(They also can produce up to 64 quarts of milk a day)
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Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
(I keep my toothbrush in the living room now !)
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Turtles can breathe through their butts.
(I know some people like that, don't YOU ?)
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The Wisdom Of Carl Sagan

Repost


Pale Blue Dot


Carl Sagan expanded on this subject far more greatly in the following video. In the video he spoke on things which should alarm us all. They should serve as warnings far into the future beyond his years here on this Earth. His journey may have ended but anyone who cares about our present conditions and those in the future regarding humanity should pay heed to his thoughts.



Previously I watched one of his other videos concerning the possibilities of alien life. In my view there's a couple of salient points to be made. Since the universe is far older then Earth there are plenty of other places species themselves and their technology far exceeds any possible understanding by us humans. Thus contact likely has already been made by them first a long time ago. We simply were incapable of recognizing it. Either that or they haven't for the same reason we don't even bother trying to communicate with earth worms, ants or amebas. This because we think they are beneath our species. Secondly earth worms, ants and amebas simply don't have the capability of mentally functioning as that which is compatible to humans.

Some final thoughts.
Some may call it karma for neglecting the heeds about this pandemic and the current state of our environment. Far from it. This is what happens when the inhabitants of Earth ignore soundly based scientific laws. Same goes with Earth itself (a living thing) when we over reproduce taking more then it can provide. Eventually we'll exceed what is available. The same as it would if there were too many parasites feeding within our own body. Science tells us this is so. Yet we continue on as if science will make an exception for the human race unlike other species who've succumbed to over breeding when there weren't enough resources left to sustain them.

Hoping for a God or space alien to save us is really a bad choice over scientific reasoning which truly is our best option.

Johnny Visits A 'Epicentr' In Kharkiv, Ukraine

Recently, there's been a lot of news about Kharkiv's Hypermarket being blown up by a Russian attack. It was described as a Home Depot or Lowe's type store, but in reality, Ukraine's Epicentr Hypermarket's are much bigger than that. In this video I show you inside our local Epicentr Hypermarket in Ukraine.

I Think I Am, Therefore I Am.. Not Necessarily

Repost


Philosopher John Searle addresses consciousness as a biological phenomenon

Chasing Our Own TailsThe statement "I think, therefore I am" could be said to be awareness of oneself. Awareness is nothing more then a product of consciousness. Since without consciousness (in a unconscious state) there can be no such self awareness it can be said we don't exist unto ourselves under these conditions. However a person outside of our self is still consciously aware of our being while we are lay in a state of unconscious. So this doesn't mean that we don't exist, right? But where do we exist? In their consciousness not in our own under these conditions. So now we've become dependant on someone other then ourselves or what we call 'collective consciousness" for our continued existence.

Let's Take This All The Way To The TopIn the beginning there could exist no self awareness nor consciousness within the creator since both are products of biological conditions (humans). In order to bring about conscious awareness the creator (God) would have to first create humans. However in order to do that the creator would have to first develop a plan. A plan which of course would require self awareness that it/she/he existed in the first place. All which at first seems could only come about after the creation of humans, not before. Seems we're in a paradoxical catch-22 situation, no?

What Came 1st Can't Be Lesser Then What Came AfterScripture tells us the eye cannot see it's own self. Therefore it follows conscious awareness only exist as a reflection. That makes this "I think, therefore I am" nothing more then a reflection of something far larger going that cannot not possibly be understood by the human mind. If the only tool we have is our mind and it is operating within itself, it cannot possibly hope to understand what's truly going on through intellectual musings within it's own limited perimeters.. Back to that old catch 22 again, eh?

It is said everything that exist lay within all things that don't. The latter being far greater. Some lean on faith for what they cannot understand. Some simply block out anything they don't understand or care to think about. Still others make up things and declare them truths for what they can't comprehend. Each are much like the unconscious person I mentioned above.

There is yet another way to approach this (since no one can understand through one's human faculties). For the sake of definition I will call it 'taking a stance'. If one simply takes a stance (position) that the universe (and all the people in it both good and evil) is what it is and accepts that, one becomes more attune (one with it). Some religious philosophers called it surrendering to 'God's Will'. I'd rather think of it as leaving one's ego behind. Another way of saying it is 'going with the flow'.

All Our Troubles Begin With the 'Ego'
You Can't Beat The System

The human 'ego' tries to beguile us into thinking we are lazy, surrendering or uncaring when we resist our inclinations to 'change the world'. Whenever human reasoning gives into the temptation to change the world, what results is conflict with others. Things like wars and social bickering with those who's minds will never adapt to our own views no matter how much we argue. Simply put our world and the universe is what it is. Accept the world for what it is or die trying to make it what we think it should be. Either way the world will be much the same way it was when we came into it as it will be when we leave it.

The short and long of it is, enjoy the ride while it last. Whoever or whatever the creator is/was or what ever evolves is larger then we who are only temporary reflections of that. To do otherwise would be like a shadow (reflection in a mirror) trying to outwit that which is standing before it.

Stocks-- Most Americans Don't Benefit From Record Highs

Repost From 2018


When it comes to stocks they're not a great way to measure American incomes I'll explain why.

Only about 54% of Americans are invested in them through their retirements plans (like the 401's), mutual funds, pensions and so forth. Meaning some 46% are foreign owned. So when the stock market does well nearly half of it's wealth benefits investors in other countries.

92% of stocks are owned by 20% of the wealthiest investors. This means 80% are left to divvy 8% of the remaining wealth between themselves throughout the world. Since only 54% are American investors it appears not as many as we're lead to believe are benefiting.

Therefore I conclude the stock market does very little to benefit the average smuck unless they're in upper management receiving a profit sharing plan.

A Word About 401K Plans
In 2018 employees are allowed to contribute up to $18,500 a year. To my way of thinking workers are giving a good chunk back to the corporations. These companies can use this tax free money right now, On the other hand employees have only a piece of paper with numbers on it until they can start withdrawing their money at retirement. A lot can go wrong between now and then.

In my case I chose to keep my money, pay taxes on it now instead of later. Then using it to pay down ahead on my 30 year mortgage while setting some aside in FDIC insured savings accounts. The average return on of the S&P between 1973 and 2016 was 11.69%. That's all fine and dandy but when you're 70 1/2 and are forced to start taking money out (paying taxes on it) better hope it isn't a year stocks take a tumble or if tax rates should go up over what they are now.

Here's how I benefited on the mortgage alone.
My original 30 year mortgage was around 10%. Compounded over 30 years it would have totaled 315.92%. Divided evenly over 30 years it would have averaged 10.53%. Even if the average S&P' returns were 11.69% it wouldn't have included the fees I'd end up paying. Plus I wouldn't be able to get at my money to do what I did.

After a few years I refinanced the remaining balance on my mortgage at 6%. Instead of keeping the extra $700 I saved monthly I put in on the new mortgage. Hence being able to pay it off 10 years before retirement rather then still be paying on it for 8 years into my I retirement. Since it was paid off 10 years before I retired I was able to then use a chunk of that former mortgage payment for savings. Besides, who wants to pay a mortgage or ever escalating rents when they're on a fixed income if they can buy a house early enough?

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Maybe someone is comfortable with a finance company holding their deed over them for 30 years while they gamble on the stock market. I wasn't. After I wised up I rolled over what ever little I had of my 401K into a no fee, no risk FDIC insured IRA savings account years ago. Good I did or it would have taken a shellacking in 2008. This along with some regular savings. This doesn't mean I'm well off by any means but it sure beats allowing others to manipulate what little assets I've accumulated.

Kim Jong Un - World's Richest President

Kim Jong Un's Family Is Richer Than You Think


Who'd thunk it!