ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
LAWYER: Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--WITNESS: Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment.
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
LAWYER: What happened then?WITNESS: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'
LAWYER: Did he kill you?
LAWYER: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?WITNESS: I only have one, you know.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
LAWYER: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
LAWYER: Have you lived in this town all your life?WITNESS: Not yet.
LAWYER: Did you blow your horn or anything?WITNESS: After the accident?
LAWYER: Before the accident.
WITNESS: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
A couple of more funny items I came across on 'Bored Panda'...