Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Court Reporters Transcripts (Humor)

If ya want a coupla' laughs check out 'Bored'. Here's one of the latest I came across and enjoyed.

Hilarious Things That Court Reporters Have Ever Recorded To Be Said In Court

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

LAWYER: Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--
WITNESS: Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment.

ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

LAWYER: What happened then?
WITNESS: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'
LAWYER: Did he kill you?

LAWYER: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
WITNESS: I only have one, you know.

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

LAWYER: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.

LAWYER: Have you lived in this town all your life?
WITNESS: Not yet.

LAWYER: Did you blow your horn or anything?
WITNESS: After the accident?
LAWYER: Before the accident.
WITNESS: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

A couple of more funny items I came across on 'Bored Panda'...

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