Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Ponderisms


I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

In the 60's, people took drugs to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Why does it cost more when you "put your two cents in"... when it's only worth a "penny for your thoughts"?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

How do you know when you're out of invisible ink?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?

Do you wonder why you just wasted your time reading all this crap on my blog?



Here's The Guy Who Is The Very Definition Of "PONDERISM



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